Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
