I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am midnight drunk by noon
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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