Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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