Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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