Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
