Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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