When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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