Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
