While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
