is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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