he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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