Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize