A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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