she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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