I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
