I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
