I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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