Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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