i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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