My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
