I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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