I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
