Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I want her autograph on my taint
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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