I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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