Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
