i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
