So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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