1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
