any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
