If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
