$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Randomize
