a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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