Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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