if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
