"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You are a genius and a whore.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
