Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
