I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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