The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
