You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
