dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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