i just had sex bonerless
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
