She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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