I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
