remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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