Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
