I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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