remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
