I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
