Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
