We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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