I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
