No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
