mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
4 words: hood of his car
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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