I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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