i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
