wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
