ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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