I seem to have left my pride at pride
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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