how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
