Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
