maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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