margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
